yes no. or leave me behind?

so there is this guy we will call him sam. so i come back from winter break and i learn from three people that sam likes me but sam dated my friend lets call her summer and sam broke up with summer after about three weeks? well he broke up with her for no reason and before they went out he asked "out" another one of my friends lets call her Kat and she said no and they left on bad terms. then i hear that sam might ask me out and right now i am very confused about what i should do. so i talk to a lot of people about it and everyone says i shouldn't date him except for two people and i asked a lot of people! so i think about the pro's and con's of dating him i have never had a boyfriend or kissed anyone or had sex or ever been asked "out" so i am very new to this. i decide that i can not date someone i hardly know so thats what i tell people. and he finds out so he starts talking to me more and more. he sits next to me every day in math class always is looking at me in p.e. like a shark and i am really turned off by this.
so i don't want to date him. if he ask's me then i am going to say no.

i tell my close friends only that i would say no if he did ask me and i tell them not to say anything to him about this because i need to tell him. i know this is high school but that does not mean that i need to act like a high schooler right?

so he is still all over me for the next couple of days and then it all stops i notice he is looking at me less and i know right away that someone told him but who i only told my friends right. wrong!

turns out one of them told and now he doesn't sit next to me at all in math sometimes he doesn't even come to math class anymore whats the deal? is this a mind game or something?
because i can't deal with it!
i have to know what happened to make him act this way.
because honestly i am starting to like him and thats not a good thing. i need to stop right now! what do i do?

High school? love or hate?

so i have not blogged in a long time like three months? i think longer than that.

well i know no one really reads this, and sometimes i am putting my stuff out there for a black hole to just suck everything up unnoticed, but i need to get my thoughts out some where because somethings i can't tell anyone.

so i have started high school! one word, WOW! it is great and horable at the same time.

i really love the freedom they give you, but that gives me more room to slack of which is not so good! but i have met a lot of great people!

my sister goes to the same school i go to, which some people may think is horable but i love it because we get along great and she has great friends like Keira and Jenna and Jose ( i think i spelled that wrong!) and they are great!

i know almost everyone and have made a close bond with them. i really feel confortable at this school like i can be myself and you don't always get that in high school.

My best friend Amega goes to school with me too! she went to middle school with me and she is great! i can tell her anything and she won't judge me. i love it and i love her so much!!:) hi Amega!

all of the teachers are really nice and they are always on the students side it is wonderful and i am passing all of my classes!
i also Lettered in varsity vollyball as a freashman!!! on just skill alone! i remember being so sad that i didn't make it on the varsity vollyball team that i cried!! But the coach saw my skills and put me in a varsity game! i played on both JV and varsity and got two awards i loved it so much!

on the down side though i have one person who hates me. i don't know why eather, she is Amega's friend so i tried to be friends with her but i couldn't stand the girl but i kept it to myself of course. and still tried to be friends with her, i don't really know why at this point because she would talk about me behind my back and say rude things to me to my face a was really rude to my friends. but for some reason i was still tring to play nice. until about a month ago i blew up in her face and told her what i really thought about her and well it turned into world war 1! which was the last thing i wanted to happen, but i couldn't stop in from happening i already knew that. i learned who my true friends were which was good that i found out now because i had a bad feeling about them anyway so i was right. but more sad that i lost them in a way. but the truth is, is that i don't like drama and i will do a lot to avoid it, if you disrespect me that is ok if you talk about me behind my back i can get over it but if you try to hurt my friends i will punch your lights out so fast that will not even be able to say sorry or that you were having a "bad day"!

if you are having a bad day don't take it out on other people! it only hurts you in the end.

and after all of that one of my friends moved because her parents are selfish and only care about their self. it wat the tenth time she moved that year!!!

on a lighter note all is well with my family(kinda). my parents are fighting about petti problems and are taking their anger out on each other which makes a unstable house hold. but other than that they are getting along better than normal.(kinda). anyways! i can't wait for christmas! i love seeing my family and seeing there faces when they open up their presents. i can't wait to see my grandma and have dinner with them and make sure they are all doing all right!

have a great christmas! or whatever you have? sorry. um and enjoy yourself!

can't wait till next year

i had a good cry with my sister last night i don't cry at all in front of people so this was a BIG step it is good for someone to know how i feel for once i hold everything in so this was good. I was crying about everything from my parents working all the time to my dad almost being out of a job to how my stupid t.v is not working and how i can't get to sleep at all and have some how become an insomniac. And she understood she made me laugh and she is going through the same stuff as me which is also good because she understands.

I haven't cried like that in about two years. Nothing was this wrong two years ago. i told my sister "next year lets do this again" "sounds good to me"

" Why are you crying stop crying"-my sister "i can't! everything is wrong"-me

http://http//listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/You_Belong_To_Me/22908251

this is me(kinda).

http://http//listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/In_My_Life/11613382
this is me understanding life (kinda) .
understanding that things do change (and not always for the better).
that it is not all about me.
that some people are not good people.
that people die.
that life isn't always fair or right.
that the person you love and the person who loves you are diffrent people.
that i'm not always right, or in the right mind i will be wrong sometimes.
that i'm not perfect and never will be.
that i make mistakes(REALLY REALLY stupid mistakes).
that i will say stuff that isn't true to make me feel better.
that some people will never change.
that it's easy to pretend that everything is alright and that you didn't see that horiable injustice.
that living with your eyes closed is easier.
this is me uderstanding life (kinda).
http://http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/Across_the_Universe/14499270
"any change even for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."
"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself."