Myself at last! :)

“being with someone is one of those things that when it is wrong it feels really confusing and there are a million questions + excuses + games + you lose sleep + over anaylize it with your friends + try to act cooler than you are + check your phone every 5 minutes + other annoying stuff. when it is right it feels really easy.”

…That is why i had to say no to Sam. it was confusing and felt wrong. i wanted to say yes because he treated me right, but that doesn’t mean you can’t just be friends and enjoy each others company. I am just not ready to be in a relationship. I am young! i don’t want to be tied down! i have never had a boyfriend before, but i don’t want/need one. i have been asked “out” before but at the time it wasn’t right and i wasn’t intrested. i got it in my head that i would die alone if i didn’t have one, that i needed a boyfriend when i didn’t and that was stupid.

Now i feel free!

I can be myself again!

Now i don’t feel like i missed out on something that wasn’t there in the first place.

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http://pleix.blogspot.com/2010/02/cl.html
check this out so cute!!

.....No

Sam asked me out today. i don’t like sam in a boyfriend way. i imagined us together and i was about to vomit. hes a really sweet guy its just i only want to be his friend.

i was talking to him about my art work and he was trying to guess which was my art and our teacher said “come on back to class” so we stoped talking and went to walk back and this is what happened.

as we were walking back:

Sam: Will you go out with me

Me:long pause………….No.

Sam:that was blunt

Me: i don’t want to ruin our friendship

Sam:will you at least think about it?

Me:long pause again………Sure.

wow this is weird!

HELP!!!

The question that has crossed my mind everyday from when i first started middle school to now as a freshman in high school is “who am i”??? this question has bothered me so much and i am still confused as to who i am. But some days when i think i have the question answered, i see something or hear something and it changes and i get confused again. this has to stop some day right? Because it is torturing me not to know or thinking that i know and having it changed last second.

It is torturing me to stay in one place! i want to travel the world and see everything i could ever see, hear everything i could ever hear! but i have to stay here and finish high school and go to college and the pressure is driving me mad! i want to do everything i could do in my life and i feel like the people i love are holding me back in away that i can’t esacpe from. Which very much makes me mad, sad and frustrated! all at the same time.

i want to find out who i am and i think going every where seeing everything would help me once and for all decide who i am. I see all of these wonderful people doing great things and i want to goin them i just don’t know how? i want to do something amazing for everyone change the world do something i am good at and enjoy doing i just don’t know what! i need help someone! Anyone!

Before i die

>div> one thing i want to see before i die is the northern lights in alaska. i could die happy then<3>

Spring will save us

This week has been kinda upseting. Yesterday i was in one of my “alone states”. which is where i may be a part of the “group” but i am not apart of the ”group” which means i am not mentally their and i feel llike things would go better with out me. Has anyone felt like that? were they can be talking to someone but they can tell the other person doesn’t want to talk to them. i was wonder why? is something wrong with me? is it me or them? i don’t know maybe i was seeing things that wern’t their?

On an brighter note things today were lovely! i was looking outside and the sun was shining and the flowers were blooming it was beautiful. The day went a lot more smooth today and i have a good feeling that the days ahead will be great and filled with me and the people around me being happy. i hope so because my friends have been really shady lately